


Family. Duty. Honor.

by evenstar8705



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Babies, Breastfeeding, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Hybrids, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Occupation of Bajor, Pre-Canon, Racism, Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:40:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26359615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evenstar8705/pseuds/evenstar8705
Summary: A Cardassian soldier harbors a terrible secret that will eventually cause him to question his loyalty to Cardassia.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 31





	1. Prologue

Vashti was escorted to a small housing complex by two Cardassian soldiers. They insisted dragging her by the arm even though she showed no sign of resistance. She might not be happy about her fate but she knew there was no escape or better alternative. At least she served a purpose. As long as she did that she would remain alive and well fed. 

They knocked upon a single door and it opened a sliver. An unremarkable Cardassian man stood in the threshold. He looked as though he hadn’t slept in years. He handed them an ID and they scanned his prints to properly identify him. She studied him as critically as she dared. This man had paid a high price to convince her owner to rent her out. The fetish they shared was considered a bit unusual in both Bajoran and Cardassian society.

“Enjoy your new comfort woman!” her escort said, shoving her toward him.

“Try not to let this one die!” the other jeered.

Vashti’s almond eyes flashed with alarm at that. Why did it seem like the plain and ordinary soldiers proved to be the cruelest? The last man had seemed nice enough but he had still bruised her breasts and caused her nipples to bleed every time he indulged himself. At least he had never used the rest of her body like a typical comfort woman. She wondered how rough this man would be.

Her temporary owner pulled her into his apartment gently but slammed the door so violently she let a muffled sound of fear rumble in her throat. He reached out a hand and she half expected a blow, but instead, he was offering her flaxseed bread. Small wonder since flaxseed was good for milk production.

“You are a wet nurse, correct?” the Glinn’s voice made him sound as bone tired as he looked. 

“I am, sir.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What shall I call you? Master?” she resented the word so much but did her best to sound neutral. 

“Call me Paneck. That’s good enough.”

“Fine, Paneck, it is.”

The soldier drank a stinking sour beverage she assumed must be a stimulant like red leaf. That was a native Cardassian drink she had never tried before. He wasn’t looking at her.

“I only require your milk and will never ask for other services even if you graciously wanted to grant them. Let’s get that perfectly clear.”

She sighed with relief, “Understood, Paneck.”

She removed her blouse and bared her heavy breasts. All the other men had looked eagerly as soon as she touched her clothes. This man seemed apathetic.

“Now is good timing,” she said, a little confused. “I am full.”

Paneck scoffed and added a splash of kanar to his drink. That was a Cardassian alcoholic beverage she was all too familiar with. Half of her clients forced the stuff down her throat because they thought her looks of disgust were comical. Others wanted her to partake wondering if it would change the flavor of her milk. The way the man laughed eerily like a madman she wondered if he was about to make her guzzle the strange concoction or worse.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Vashti.”

“Your milk is not for me, Vashti.”

“What?” she rasped, half in shock and half in horror. “Do you expect to share me with friends? That was not written in the contract between you and my master.”

“No. A moment, please?”

He disappeared into a closet and produced a basket. She was growing more curious and confused. He lifted what she thought was merely a bundle of blankets from it and then revealed it to be an infant. 

“This is my little monster,” Paneck sighed as he presented him to her. “He is starving. The baby formula only seems to give him the runs. He is three days old and his mother is dead.”

“Your former comfort woman?” Vashti gasped.

“She named him Benjen,” he nodded.

Benjen was a hybrid child. He had a tuft of dark brown hair rather than Cardassian standard black. He had his mother’s distinctive Bajoran ridges on his little nose. He had small bumps where about half of the typical Cardassian’s ridges would grow. He also had one brown eye and one blue eye. She had never seen such a thing before. The ‘little monster’ was so weak he didn’t cry but gazed at her and wrinkled his face and puckered his pale lips.

A memory of another baby sprang to her mind. Benjen managed a barely distinguishable sound like a pathetic whine and she was hooked. She held him to her breast and was afraid he might be too weak to suckle. However, the child was half Cardassian and thankfully a bit stronger than a Bajoran infant. His instinct prevailed. 

She looked up at the father who looked so sweetly relieved she thought he might burst into tears and declared, “I’m more than happy to feed a child instead of a man!”


	2. Bonding

Paneck had managed to take a month of furlough granted only because he had never taken time off before and he used the excuse he needed to grieve and adjust to the situation with his comfort women. His superior treated the circumstance almost like a joke. Most soldiers saw the business of replacing comfort woman more akin to fostering or losing pets.

No one knew Glinn Paneck was harboring a hybrid son.

“May I ask about Benjen’s mother?” 

“Depends on what you want to know,” Paneck replied.

“How exactly did she die?”

“Well, I didn’t murder her but I might as well have killed her.”

“I need more details than that to make me feel better.”

“Understandable. The short version of the story is that she became pregnant and hid the condition from me until she began going into labor! I couldn’t trust that the doctors wouldn’t report us. Hybrids are not tolerated by my people. They would have charged me, slain my monster, sterilized the mother or slain her too. She bled to death.”

“Call the baby what he is: Your son.”

Paneck chewed his lip.

“Why do you bother keeping him alive if you refuse to bond with your child?”

“Have you ever had your world turned completely upside down?”

“Yes!” Vashti hissed. “That happened to me the moment your brethren showed up in my province.”

“Well, then we’ve both been shocked to our core!”

“Do you plan to keep this child in a closet forever? He’s going to outgrow that basket soon!”

“I know! I am scrambling, woman! I spent the last of my savings to find you on such short notice! I need to work and earn enough to provide for an infant. Then I need to hatch a plan to secure his future!”

“Why don’t you just dump him in one of our orphanages?”

“He’ll be left in a room to starve the moment I surrender him.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“I’ve heard of starving rooms from the Bajorans themselves when I used their black market. Where do you think I was able to purchase baby formula without flagging myself to my comrades?”

“But why would the caretakers in an orphanage do such a thing?”

“Because this child looks Cardassian and has mismatched eyes. They’ll despise him and think he’s defective. They have enough orphans as it is.”

Vashti knew Paneck was probably right. That was a sad thing because Benjen appeared to be healthy and plumping up now that he had been supplied with her nutrient rich milk. He could hear very well. Any tiny noise made him turn his head and peer in the direction of the sound. He might have heterochromia but that condition was usually benign. The baby wasn’t blind. They watched his eyes following their movements with acute awareness.

Vashti wrinkled her nose ridges at the babe and he wrinkled his nose ridges back. She made her eyes wide and he copied her again.

“See if he will copy you!” she nudged Paneck.

“No,” he refused.

“Why not? Do it! You won’t regret it!”

Paneck made eye contact with Benjen and stared vacantly until Vashti frowned at him. Then the serious soldier stuck out his tongue like a child. The baby smiled and stuck out its tiny tongue and reached for his father’s. The man moved away. After a moment the infant began to cry.

“No!” Paneck gasped. “Is eh hungry? Quick, feed him!”

“He just fed. He only wants to touch your tongue.”

“My tongue?”

“Babies have a lot of learning to do and limited ways to achieve that. Don’t you have children already of your own on Cardassia?”

“No, actually.”

“Oh, well that explains some things. Any experience with children at all?”

“Not infants! They terrify me!”

“Is that why you call him a monster? What kind of a soldier or man are you?” Vashti couldn’t help but mock him.

“I’m trained to deal with combat not fragile creatures, milk maid!”

“No need to insult me!”

Their raised voices made Benjen cry harder.

“Hold him, please! Make him stop crying!”

“I’m just a milk maid, remember? You hold him! He wants you!”

“I want to avoid holding him as much as possible. I’ll break him!”

“Let me show you how to hold him, you coward!”

She placed Benjen in his arms and adjusted and instructed him how to properly hold a baby. She had noticed he held the baby awkwardly before. He let the child put a hand to his face and touch his lips. He preferred not to have his tongue pulled or twisted. The boy seemed content to be held and to simply stare back at his father.

“He’s softer than other babies,” Paneck muttered.

“He’s going to be different in many subtle ways.”

He tried to trade the baby off and Benjen squirmed unhappily.

“Keep him! Hold him as much as possible. It’s good for his social and mental development. Bajoran and Cardassian babies can’t be that much different from each other at this age and this baby is half of both species.”

“How could he possibly prefer me over you?” Paneck was confused. “I’m not the one with the means to feed him! Babies always prefer their mothers!”

“I’m not his mother,” Vashti pointed out. “He must know that by my voice. They hear their parents’ voices in the womb and sense them. Do Cardassian babies go by scent too?”

“We do rely on smell more than you.”

“What did his mother sound like? I bet her voice was much different than mine.”

“She-she hardly spoke or made a noise,” Paneck’s tone shifted. “She was quite young. Her voice was girlish and yours is deeper and more mature.”

“How old was she?”

“Look, I don’t really want to discuss this. I must look hideous to this kid! How could he possibly like me?” he changed the subject.

“You named him little monster! I have nose ridges but you look far more like his actual parent. My eyes don’t match either of his. My hair is dirty blonde. I provide him nourishment but he needs comfort and tenderness from you!”

Paneck softened and look at his son in silence for a long time until the babe began making suckling expressions to indicate he was hungry. 

“He sure does eat often!”

“Babies have small stomachs so they don’t eat a whole lot at a time but need frequent feeding.”

After feeding this time, his father didn’t resist holding him ever again.

“You should contact my master and ask him to send a pump. It would be good to have some of my milk frozen for emergencies and you can bottle feed Benjen. That way you can provide food and increase your bond and make yourself feel better,” Vashti suggested. “You will have to return to work soon and I will be getting far more exposure to him. Make the most of the hours you can spare with him.”

“Won’t asking for a pump seem suspicious?”

“No. Just tell the man you want to increase the amount I make. Tell him I’m in danger of going dry. He won’t want that either. I’m far less valuable to him or anyone else if I lose my ability to produce.”

“What happens if you do go dry?”

She hesitated, “I’m still useful as a normal comfort woman. It’s extremely difficult for a woman to produce milk again if she stops pumping or suckling a child. They could get me with child again. Then I would produce milk for that baby.”

“What happens to the child? You would obviously have to carry it to full term, right? The milk doesn’t come until the baby comes. I know that much.”

“They would do what they did before. They’d take my child away as soon as it can be weaned.”

“They took your child from you?”

“You prefer not to talk about Benjen’s mother. I’d rather not talk about my baby.”

Paneck nodded. That was more than fair.


	3. Borrowed Flesh

Pancek kept a stoic demeanor about him when he returned to work, though his mind raced with thoughts of his son back home. What if Benjen became ill? What if Vashti lost her milk? Where else would he find a supply of food for an infant? Formula had already proven a failure. What if someone searched his apartment and discovered his illegal child?

He tried to bury himself in work and earn his keep. Well, it wasn’t just his keep anymore. He had a tiny creature reliant upon him now. The only real good to come of it was he was far more motivated to work at break neck speed. His superior told him the time off must have done wonders for him. Paneck had always been the sort of soldier that wasn’t mediocre but was also never incredibly noteworthy. He was silent and stony even for a Cardassian.

His comrades were starting to look at him in a different light as well. The word had spread about his comfort woman and her unique qualities. He was questioned relentlessly about the size of her milk jugs and they made obscene gestures at him. It tried his patience but instead of showing his disgust he smiled as though he found it all as amusing as they did. The men really had no idea what sort of person he was. That thought was what cheered him.

All the credits he earned went to Benjen’s care and better accommodations. The basket was replaced with a real cradle. He bought cloth easily jury rigged into diapers once in his more private apartments with more sound proof walls. He was slowly saving enough for the likely scenario that he might have to vanish. 

He wondered if he should ask his family on Cardassia if they would take his son but he decided quickly it wasn’t worth the risk. They wanted a pure grandson not a bastard hybrid. 

He also kept Vashti in the back of his mind. She could have always refused to nurse his son. She could have walked away and let him starve or report the father and son. She might have even garnered some sort of small reward for such an act and a sense of revenge. Why should she care for a snake and his snake spawn? He was starting to feel like he owed the Bajoran something.

Her owner sent the pump he requested but raised her rent fee as a result. He also reasoned that since she was pumping Paneck should send her back to him once a week. He required her company at his home. She was still his comfort woman after all.  
Paneck felt queasy at that appeal. He needed Vashti not just for her milk but she was Benjen’s only possible caregiver while he did his duties. He couldn’t afford to take extended time from his post and was allowed one day of rest a week. Even then, a soldier was expected to be on call at a moment’s notice. He couldn’t possibly leave an infant alone but he feared the man would refuse to continue to loan him Vashti at all if he refused this.

When Paneck explained all this to the wet nurse, she was far more understanding than he would have been.

“This is to be expected,” she said wearily. “I need a break from the babe and you must get used to caring for him on your own. I can set aside a good store of milk for those days. I’m producing more now than ever. He will find the rubber nipple of the bottle strange at first. Warm it up and keep offering it to him. He will get used to it or starve.”

“How much longer must he nurse?”

“Bajoran babies require a year minimum at the breast. You shouldn’t gamble with Benjen.”

“A year it is. If that man allows me to keep you that long.”

“As long as you pay he would be a fool not to.”

“What if that man hurts you?” Paneck blurted. 

“Don’t pretend that you care!” she said nastily. “I am too valuable for him to abuse severely. I will be fine.”

He was a bit offended she didn’t trust his sincerity but they both had no choice. She returned to her permanent master the next evening. 

During the hours she was gone they got lucky. Paneck was spared from extra duties but it was no vacation. Benjen was stubborn and didn’t want to take the bottle. He shoved it away from his mouth and cried in frustration.

“Please, take it!” Paneck shared his frustration. “It’s her milk, I swear it is!”

Benjen didn’t seem convinced. His cries changed pitch when he began to feel the agony of hunger. His father stuffed combat ear plugs in his ears. The cries were nigh unbearable and tore at his insides like shrapnel. 

Just as he thought he was going to lose his sanity, Benjen relented and began to suckle from the bottle. Paneck shouted with victory and had never enjoyed a moment of silence more.

When Vashti returned, she looked a wreck. Her hair was in tangles and her eyes red and puffy. Paneck gazed up from his sleeping infant with concern. 

“Did he take the bottle?” she asked nonchalantly.

“He did!”

“I knew he would. Mission accomplished, soldier!”

She slumped into a chair, wincing because the edge of the dining table made light contact with her torso. Paneck was exhausted and slept while Benjen slept but he awoke a few hours later and heard weeping. It wasn’t the infant. It was Vashti.  
He found her trying to pump and clearly in pain. He realized that the milk she managed to extract was mixed with blood.

“In the name of all things sacred!” Paneck cried. “What did that man do to you?”

“It doesn’t concern you!” she snapped.

“The hell it doesn’t! My son can’t drink blood!”

He tried to wrest the pump from her. She tried to cover herself. Her breasts were swollen, bruised and bleeding.

“Damn that man to the coldest and darkest regions of space! Did he try to gnaw them off?” Paneck cursed.

“I guess you could say he missed me!” Vashti said bitterly.

“Why are you extracting milk right now? You should be healing!”

“They hurt!” her voice cracked. “It I don’t keep the flow going the milk will cake, harden, and it’s awful!”

“Aren’t you already in pain?”

“Every day of my life requires pain, Cardassian!”

“I won’t let you tolerate it anymore! I must give you something.”

“I can’t take anything! Toxins and medications transfer in breast milk! Think about Benjen!”

“I’ve enough frozen milk for at least a few meals.”

“No!”

“Why do you let him abuse you but won’t let me take care of you?”

“What are you, my father?”

“At this moment in time, I am your guardian.”

“You really think I LET any of this happen to me, spoon head?”

He chased her around the table, caught her, and he tossed her as gently as he could on her back and onto his bed. He realized she shouldn’t lie on her side or stomach. He showed her the tainted milk as proof she had had enough. She should lie still and heal.  
Unfortunately the sight reminded her of another bodily substance that the other man had forced down her throat in exchange for her milk. It tasted of chlorinated water, reeked of bleach, it was hot, and it had the consistency of phlegm. She had to race to the bathroom sink to vomit.

Don’t dwell on it! She berated herself. Don’t dwell on it!

Paneck said as she retched, “I’ll be right back. Watch Benjen for a minute.”

She had no other choice really.

He raced to the barrack pharmacy, used the computer to eliminate any potentially harmful medications, and then he picked one and dissolved it into a sweet tea drink. Miraculously, Vashti accepted it without question. It granted her a painless sleep. When she woke he mixed it into her breakfast, a benign deception. This dose eased most of her pain but didn’t induce sleep.

“Pump,” he told her, “but throw out the milk a bit longer. I can’t risk Benjen ingesting blood or pus.”

She nodded still too tired to argue.

“I’m off early to work.”

“Have a wonderful day, sweetie!” she said with a scowl.

“Don’t smother my son while I am gone.”

She sighed, “I would never do that.”

He believed her because he had to.

Instead of going to work as he had told her he would do, he paid a visit to the man that truly owned her. He had never met him in person before and used a middle man to negotiate terms and deliver the goods before. He hadn’t wanted to see the man before. Now he was compelled.

The man’s name was Nihlus and he wasn’t a soldier but a businessman. Such a profession wasn’t typical of male Cardassians but this man had done more than well for himself. He was a gaunt and strange creature with skin that was almost translucent. 

“You are the man renting my milk press?” he said to Paneck, gesturing with open palms.

“I am.”

“Are you enjoying her?”

“I can’t if there’s blood in her milk,” Paneck said bluntly.

“Ah, yes, I might have gotten carried away this time.”

“Might have?” Paneck repeated firmly. 

“Aren’t you the one with a dead comfort woman?” Nihlus shot back.

“She had hemophilia,” Paneck lied. “A superficial cut never stopped bleeding. No one told me about that condition.”

“She was young and caught in the wild,” the man shrugged. “No doctor examined her well enough or everyone assumed a doctor had when none did at all. I didn’t sell that particular girl to the soldiers.”

“Vashti has no reason to fear me.”

“That’s a relief.”

“Please be gentler with her for my sake. I am a paying customer.”

“Done. It’s only common courtesy. I would be furious if I were in your boots.”

“I would like to purchase her from you not just rent her,” Paneck announced.

Nihlus laughed, “That would be immensely expensive.”

“How expensive?”

The man wrote a price on a slip of paper and flashed it at him. Paneck groaned when he glimpsed it. It wasn’t entirely beyond him but it would take years to save up for that amount.

“There is something we could arrange to ease that blow to your credit.”

“What is it?”

“Film yourself with her like I do. Our fetish is more common than you think. The everyman can’t afford to buy or even rent such specialty comfort women. Most Bajoran women are too underfed to produce or never allowed to become pregnant long enough to do so in the first place. They pay to watch the footage instead.”

“You dare to film yourself using her?” Paneck didn’t think anyone was that deviant or bold.

“Anyone that reported it would only incriminate themselves.”

“I wouldn’t risk putting out such damnable evidence.”

“I could hide your features.”

“No,” Paneck shook his head. “Any good editor could still use it against me. You are insane.”

Nihlus looked disappointed, “Such a shame. I would have split the profits with you.”


	4. Will he hate me?

When Paneck returned from work Vashti was playing with Benjen. She seemed better and reported that her milk was a normal color. She tried to nurse the baby when he grew hungry but she was still too sensitive. She gave him a bottle but he was unable to understand. Why take a bottle when there was something better? He kept nuzzling at her breast. 

“Here,” she handed him to the father. “Distract him and when he realizes I’m not around he can’t cry for me and will take the bottle. I know all he wants is food. I need a little more time or a shield.”

“A shield?”

“Such a thing helps if a baby likes to bite or pinch,” she explained. “Benjen is always a good boy but will likely start teething soon.”

“Like a real monster!” Paneck grinned at his son with a bit of pride. “You are over three months old already, did you know that? You’re going to be big and strong!”

Vashti tried to hide a smile, “Your baby is a cooer, did you know that?”

“Huh?”

“He coos. Wait for it and I’m sure you’ll hear it soon enough. It’s quite adorable.”

“By the stars!” Paneck gasped with realization. “What if he starts talking? What is he going to say? How much Bajoran do you speak around him?”

She narrowed her eyes, “I wouldn’t speak Cardassian even if I knew it fluently. My appreciation for that culture and language is somewhat at low ebb.”

“Well, I guess I cannot blame you, Vashti.”

He decided not to tell her about his meeting with Nihlus. He didn’t want to give her false hope that he might purchase her freedom one day. He needed to think of Benjen first. He was certain that man had purposely abused Vashti to test him and not her. He needed to gauge how much Paneck valued his property. Even though he tried to guard his true feelings, the fact that he had complained had likely caused Nihlus to raise her price considerably. At least he was far less likely to abuse her so much again.

He managed to feed his son from the bottle. Benjen didn’t mind the bottle as long as it was in his father’s hands. Bottle feeding with him guaranteed him more skin on skin contact. He fidgeted with his larger gray hands. He kicked his little feet and acted as though no one was more interesting in the universe than Paneck.

No one had ever needed him so much or probably loved him so. This was new to the soldier. The entire experience of fatherhood was. Once he got over the initial shock of it all, he was deciding that he liked it very much after all. But did he deserve it?

Vashti brought him a small meal. He had been distracted and would have forgotten to eat if not for her. He thanked her and she began eating her own meal nearby. Benjen perked up when he sensed her and let out a sound.

“There it is!” she laughed. “He’s cooing!” 

“I have to admit it is adorable. Did your baby coo?”

Her smile slowly curled downward into almost a pout. She took a bite of her food, stared at it for a moment, and then she shoved it away.

“I didn’t mean to make you lose your appetite. Eat, woman. You and the baby need you to care for yourself.”

“My son,” she started, “was much fussier. He cried for hours on end. It was almost a relief when they took him from me. I knew he was a child born into the darkest chapter of Bajoran history. I was taken from my refugee camp already pregnant. I am unmarried but I needed to keep warm and didn’t mind a strange Bajoran’s company for a night. He gave me a blanket in exchange. At that time it was more valuable than any coin.”

“Did Nihlus take you directly from the camp?”

“He did. He must have seen the signs that I was pregnant the clever bastard. At that time, I didn’t know yet. The other girls were jealous that he handed me double rations. I found it suspicious and divided up the extra portions and passed them out to the women. That sounds very altruistic of me but it was really not. I could tell those girls were considering stealing them anyway or finding a way to be rid of me.”

“Why are women so terrible to each other?”

“My dear soldier, don’t the men in your unit get just as angry when your superiors single out a man for preferential treatment? Everyone but so and so has to clean the barracks. Why does he never have to do stupid work?” she grumbled, imitating a soldier’s voice. “Are you telling me there is no hazing in your military?”

“There is but it is never spoken about.”

“Imagine that you haven’t eaten in three days. Your kind doesn’t need to eat as much but you do eventually get hungry and cranky and starve. What if your superior gave you an extra ration after some sort of physical demand was met by the unit. You didn’t outperform anyone, but he made a big show of giving you something without any explanation?”

“I’d probably have a visit from my unit in the middle of the night. I see your logic now.”

“Well, the doctor announced later that I was pregnant. I expected that meant I would be forced to have an abortion and sterilized. That is what usually happens. But Nihlus was very pleased. He said that he would allow the child to be born. I prayed to the Prophets it would be a boy.”

“I thought you Bajorans didn’t have a preference.”

“Think long and hard, Cardassian, why would I dread having a girl?”

Paneck flushed.

“It was a boy and I think that was Nihlus’ only disappointment. He gave me more rations and insisted that I nurse my son as often as possible. As soon as he turned a year old, I lay him down for a nap and was asked to leave him in another woman’s care. She was a fellow Bajoran so I thought nothing of it. When I returned for him he was gone.”

“Where is he?”

“Nihlus found someone willing to buy him. They wouldn’t tell him what for.”

“What was your son’s name?”

“I never gave him one. I had a feeling he’d be taken from me but I expected it would be from death. That night Nihlus called me to his personal chambers. He informed me that now I could be bought, sold, and rented as a wet nurse and not just a comfort woman.”

“Your son could be alive out there somewhere,” Paneck told her.

“If he is, I will likely never find him. I think he would hate me thinking I abandoned him. I don’t even know who his father was.”

Vashti began to eat her meal again even though it had grown cold. She clearly didn’t mind. When she was done, Paneck offered the sleeping Benjen to her.

“Would you like to hold him?”

“Yes, please.”

She held him close and Paneck decided he might as well open up.

“I think my son loves me now but that might change when I have to tell him about his mother,” he confessed.

“Why is that?”

“He will see his ridges in the mirror and wonder where that came from. He will ask me why I chose his mother. I will have to be honest. I don’t know what I will say or do when he is old enough to talk and to ask.”

“Tell me what happened then,” Vashti said, “and I will tell you what you should say. You will have to be careful but never lie. He will hate you far more if you lie. If you explain the right way he will forgive you. It might be a long time before he can possibly understand like we do.”

Paneck gazed at her. She wasn’t looking at him with hatred. She kept a neutral expression on her face. He owed this woman something.

“His mother was named Dinah. She was dropped off at my door with no explanation when I received my promotion to a Glinn rank. She simply walked into my apartment and began looking for food. When I asked her what she was doing there and why doesn’t she go back to where she belonged, she stared at me as though she couldn’t understand. She couldn’t. She knew no Cardassian and I knew no Bajoran. She knew if she spoke to me it would do us no good.”

“What did your superior say?”

“He said if I didn’t want her someone else might take her. There was nothing for her elsewhere. Most men of my rank already had a comfort woman of their own. I could sell her to Nihlus and he’d probably put her in a brothel. She looked to me like she belonged in an orphanage. I suspected she was only a teenager no woman in full bloom.”

“She never gave you a number? Surely she could have scratched out some lines and shown you her age!”

“She didn’t respond to me at all for several weeks. I would give her food, leave the washroom open, and I let her sleep in my bed when I was at work. When I was in the apartment she kept to herself. She had light brown hair and sad brown eyes. She was a silent waif haunting my home.”

“Something obviously changed to get you this child. I am a comfort woman myself, Paneck, I know how the system works. I will not judge you.”

Paneck covered half his face with a hand, “I think we both got curious and realized there was no one else. She wanted nothing to do with me, as I said, but I have a feeling she had lost anyone and everyone she might have possibly known or loved. I was her only option at something resembling warmth and affection. I was showering one night and she slipped into the washroom with me.”

“Did she finally speak then?”

He shook his head, “No, I told you she only spoke once and it wasn’t then. I was surprised. She had never approached me for anything but food.”

“She probably knew what was expected and finally decided to let it happen. You hadn’t initiated and it was driving her crazy. The anticipation can be worse than the act.”

“I didn’t mean to torment her!”

“I know. I have been around you long enough, Paneck,” Vashti said reassuringly.

“I wanted to push her away. I was no virgin but I’d never been with an alien before. I was naked and she was still clothed. She was still clothed and she didn’t care when the water from the shower soaked her skin and clothes. She simply stood there as the water made the cotton gown she wore wetter and more revealing. I-I-I…”

“I get it.”

“She didn’t stop me.”

“Was that the only time?”

“No. Every time I showered she would join me.”

“Then maybe she didn’t find it so bad.”

Paneck breathed a sigh of relief and stopped covering his face. Some of his guilt and shame was lifting from his shoulders. Vashti handed him his son back and he found himself clutching him for comfort.

“So she became pregnant,” she urged him to continue.

“I didn’t know!”

“Nihlus was looking for the signs and knew more than he should have about it. You did not. You are something of a bumbler.”

“She wanted more food. She needed more rest. She began to sneeze a lot and I thought she must have a persistent cold. Then one day I offered her hot tea. She wouldn’t get out of bed. I showered and she didn’t join me. I asked her if she was hiding something from me. She shook her head and then she cried out in terrible pain. When I stripped the blankets from her there was blood all over the sheets and between her thighs. Benjen came within minutes.”

“That fast?”

“She was labor for less than two hours.”

“He was eager to meet his parents.”

“The shower was still running. Dinah was paler than the sheets. They had soaked up half her life’s blood. I was in a state of sheer panic. I swear that young girl had more sense even as she was dying than I did. She began speaking. I’d gotten a translator by then. I’d tried to speak Bajoran to her before to encourage her to speak up. That hadn’t worked. Now she told me what to do.”

“You already explained it and I know a doctor was not an option. It sounds like nothing could have been done.”

“The last thing she said was that I should name the child Benjen which apparently translates as ‘child of pain’.”

Vashti’s mouth dropped open and she snickered, “You need to get a better translator. If that’s what Dinah meant to name her son she would have called him Benji. Benjen means: Child of Joy. She wanted this baby, Paneck. She wanted a family of some kind after she lost her own.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Paneck said with mingled anger and grief. “If I had known she was pregnant-“

“Would you have allowed her to keep it?” Vashti interrupted.

He hesitated.

“That’s why!” she said quickly. “Would you have honestly allowed her to keep it?”

“Knowing the child would put us both in danger because hybrids are illegal? Knowing that it might actually kill her? I guess I would have begged her not to go through with the pregnancy,” he answered truthfully.

“She decided to risk her life for her son. She put him before the both of you as parents usually do.”

“I never got to grieve her!” Paneck clutched his hair. “She was here for less than a year but she was the only thing good in my life at the time!”

“And THAT is what you will tell Benjen when he asks about his mother!” Vashti clutched his arms and emphasized. “Tell him that and that will be enough.”

Paneck began to burst into tears. He felt months of repressed grief pour out. He couldn’t remember ever being so emotional. Cardassians preferred to let out their emotions in short bursts in complete isolation or with a trusted family member or spouse. Vashti was the closest thing he had to that and she was a Bajoran wet nurse.

Vashti wasn’t entirely sure what to do. She took the child from him so that Paneck could continue to purge his system. She didn’t touch him or look at him. She simply remained where she was. 

“Your son will not hate you, Paneck,” she said firmly. “You have already risked so much for him. You found me, didn’t you? He would have died within those first days if you had simply allowed it. Many people, Bajoran and Cardassian, might have done that. He is now the only good in your life. Teach him to be a good man like you.”


	5. Universal Language

Paneck expected the usual when he turned up at his post. Drilling, patrols, cleaning barracks or weapons, running messages back and forth, and other such grunt work. Instead he was ordered on a three day excursion. He was alarmed because he had never left Vashti alone with his son so long.

“May I inform my household?” he asked.

“You mean your comfort woman?” his superior shouted with amusement. “Looks like this man can’t go a whole day without his milk maid!”

His unit burst into laughter. He took the humiliation in stride waiting hopefully for some sort of permission and expecting rejection. A ceaselessly crying infant was worse than a bit of teasing from adult men and he’d rather be smoked than punished with multiple meltdowns from his little monster.

“Our comfort women are not our wives, Glinn Paneck,” his superior said seriously.

“Understood.”

“Now that we’ve had our fun at his expense, it’s time to explain why we’re leaving the base. There is rumored to be a revel presence within the wilderness nearby. We will find the Bajorans if they are out there. Move out!”

“Aye, sir!”

Paneck joined them as they gathered supplies and marched forth. His only relief was the knowledge that Vashti would continue to care for Benjen even if he didn’t return for a few days. He wasn’t afraid of combat. It was what he was trained for and there had been far less of that than he expected when he was first assigned to Bajor. Most days were dull and they were simply chasing phantoms. The Bajoran Resistance was far better at guerilla warfare than Cardassians wanted to admit. 

No, Paneck was more afraid that if he encountered a Bajoran he would only see Benjen or Dinah and not the alien enemy that he was supposed to see.

The unit split into squads of a dozen men paired up with a combat buddy. When they patrolled there was no tolerance for small talk. They communicated to each other with hand signals. Each was armed with a firearm and combat knife. Every other carried a first aid kit and each squad leader had means to communicate back to base. They wore heavy armor and extra layers of cloth. They carried ammo and rations. There was also sophisticated equipment their techi carried. Sweeping sensors scanned the area while the men combed with their eyes.

He and his buddy huddled near a rock pile they had gathered themselves to buffer the wind and rain atop the nearest and tallest hill they could reach that night. Despite extra layers they were shivering. Their gray skin threatened to turn more blue. They sat half exposed to cold wet rain unlike the warm rain on Cardassia.

Their climate on their home planet was far more temperate and their infrastructure more civilized and industrious. There were volcanoes and tropics and less mountains, steppes, swamps and savage infestations of trees. There was also far less wildlife. On Cardassia they had hunted most of their native animals within extinction levels.

“Damn these rats and their weather!” his comrade cursed. “I wouldn’t mind having my comfort woman out here to keep me warm! Or yours! Anything to feel remotely better!”

“Maybe you can snatch a female rebel,” Paneck suggested. “And cuddle her instead of kill her?”

“My own Bajoran girl looks like she wants to kill me half the time and she dares to complain the rations I give her taste terrible! Why would I take my chances with a wild woman that knows any tricks in combat?”

“Then snatch a smaller male. Can you tell much of a difference?” Paneck joked perversely. 

“You sure have lightened up, Paneck! It’s a good thing. You seemed like a rather dull and sour man before, you know that? Anyways, we’ll never find any rebels. I’d rather be back on Cardassia with my Cardi girl. We don’t belong on this planet. Why couldn’t we just take the resources the Union needs and leave the prickly population alone?”

Paneck was pleasantly surprised by his comrade’s confession. More and more of his unit was beginning to feel the same. Few dared to voice their complaints. He didn’t dare let on he hated being here and that what they were doing was against his conscience. As a soldier he wasn’t supposed to have one. Even if he had a legal family he was supposed to brush them aside and put his duty first. 

The rest of their squad was bunkered down in their own spots. The rain proved to be the real enemy causing malfunctions in weapons and the computer software. It warped sound and made their morale drop. 

“I need to take a leak,” Paneck informed his comrade.

“So go do it.”

“Regulations state you and I must be within-“

“Don’t be a boy scout!” the other soldier said impatiently. “Don’t quote the regulations at me! I don’t want to get wetter than I already am. There’s clearly no one here. Go down to the tree line. You’re easily within the range of my sniping scope. That’s close enough. You think I’m lonely and desperate enough to cuddle and gawk at you?”

Paneck shrugged and accepted that. No one wanted a person hovering over them watching them while they acted upon their call of nature. 

He went down the hillside into the cover of trees and bushes. It was perhaps a bit further than he should have gone but he didn’t care. He was in the middle of putting his armor and layers back on after doing his business when he heard a snapping twig and looked around.

There was a mass trying to hold still a few feet from him in the bushes. A Bajoran fighter was attempting to hide there painted and wearing almost the right color scheme to make him blend in. Now that he was honed in, Paneck could hear his nervous breathing. He was trying to reach for his weapon silently.

They spotted each other and stared. He recognized the man. He was the Bajoran merchant that had sold him baby formula. There was mutual recognition in the rebel’s eyes.

Paneck knew he should sound the alarm. The rest of the Resistance cell must be very near. He could fire his weapon but so could the Bajoran. He had the advantage. He was already reaching for it while Paneck had yet to reach near his holster. 

Paneck smiled at the Bajoran. If he uttered a sound or made any sort of gesture it might alert his Cardassian fellow up on the hillside. Perhaps the Bajoran didn’t fire because he knew the noise would alert him too. He must have been preparing for a stealth kill. When Paneck smiled, though, he smiled back. He made no sound or gesture either.

Paneck turned away. It was an incredibly naïve thing to do. One should never ever turn their back to an enemy. Most Cardassians never turned their back among friends. Somehow he knew he would be alright. He simply walked away and returned to his comrade.

“Did you have a fine piss?”

“It was uneventful. I’m surprised the stream didn’t freeze in the air.”

“Have a ration. Ugh!” his combat buddy made a face as he took a bite. “I suppose my comfort woman wasn’t lying. These do taste terrible!”

After two more days that were just as wet and miserable, no Resistance presence was sensed, felt, heard, or seen. The men returned to base ready for hot showers, real food, soft beds, and the arms of women if they had the rank or money for them. It seemed that Paneck had come to an understanding with the Bajoran he encountered. He had not drawn attention to him and the other had not reported the Cardassians’ location either. 

Paneck entered his apartment and Vashti immediately placed Benjen in his arms. The babe seemed happy to see him. He couldn’t tell if the woman was or not. He brought his son into the shower to bathe him and warm his rough and neglected scales. It was great fun to count his son’s scales and ridges. He was nearing six months old now and starting to pull himself up in an attempt to stand. He could scoot around a bit on his own. He also seemed to love the water.

Paneck thought of Dinah especially when he looked into Benjen’s single brown eye that was just like hers except that hers had been sad. Benjen’s lit up in a way hers never did. As for his blue eye, that was Paneck’s. It wasn’t cold and stony like his but also lit up like the other. How extraordinary his little monster was!

“Where were you?” Vashti asked him as he rubbed his son dry with a fluffy towel.

“Were you concerned?”

“Your son began calling for you.”

“He did what now?” 

“Leave the room for a moment and listen. He’ll start calling for you.”

“Very well.”

Sure enough, after Paneck had left the room, Benjen didn’t just coo. He spoke, “Pa!”

Paneck ran back into the room with excitement. He was also a bit confused, “Pa? Why does he say pa? Is that the word for father in Bajoran?”

“Not even close. He must hear me calling you by your name Paneck over and over. He picked up on it and decided that was the syllable for you.”

“Pa does not mean father in Cardassian either.”

“It must mean something to someone in some language somewhere. Now come put a diaper on your child! Are you really going to let him crawl around naked popping ‘P’s and his leavings everywhere?” Vashti’s eyes were hard and angry and yet she smiled.

“I suppose I can be Pa to him. I can’t believe he’s speaking!”

“Congratulations.”

“How was he while I was gone?”

“He was very much like other babies.”

“And how is he at nursing now that more teeth are coming in?”

“Still a gentleman but it might be a good thing to introduce some solid food to his diet.”

“Solid food?”

“Well, mashed up.”

“What sorts of food will he eat?”

“It’ll be fun to find out!”

The two of them smashed up samples of nearly everything he had in his cupboard. Benjen treated it all like a game too. He stuck his hand in each bowl of every substance. Then he would lick his fingers or stuff his whole hand in his mouth depending on how much he liked the stuff. A few of the items he tossed creating a large mess.

“I should have waited to wash him!” Paneck groaned.

“Maybe you should have!” Vashti giggled.

“I’ll wait until he fills his diaper.”

“Good call.”

After washing and putting a fresh diaper on Benjen, the three of them started to get sleepy. Vashti wrapped her arms around Benjen as he nodded off quickly to sleep nuzzled on her bosom. Paneck crept up and put his arms around her from behind to hold both her and his son.

“I have to return to Nihlus tomorrow evening,” she reminded him.

“Do you have to?” he groaned.

“You know I do. Please tell me you won’t have to leave Benjen. You never answered my question earlier. Why were you gone so long? What if something happens to you? What am I to do with this child then?”

He sighed and answered, “I suppose you would have to place Benjen in an orphanage then unless you know of some sympathetic organization that would care for a hybrid?”

“Paneck, please don’t get yourself killed. Not for my sake nor your own. Stay alive for Benjen.”

“I am doing my absolute best. You know that.”

“I love this boy.”

“So do I, Vashti. So do I.”


	6. Don't Promise

Benjen’s first birthday came. Vashti and Paneck had managed to celebrate privately in his apartment. He made him a Cardassian ikri bun and Vashti made a small kava cake. They were the first real solids the baby had been given and he devoured them both showing no cultural preference. Both were tasty and fun to dissect before shoveling in his mouth. 

Paneck was a little sad. If his son were a full blooded and legal child his family would have spared no expense to celebrate his first year especially because he was technically the first grandson that would have been born to his parents. His siblings were younger than him and unmarried. He had a brother posted somewhere out in space. He had half a mind to contact him and warn him to be extra careful with birth control. 

Benjen didn’t seem quite ready to be entirely weaned and Paneck didn’t think it right to force it. Vashti still had plenty of milk to give and couldn’t risk running dry. She could pump and throw out or sell the milk. Some Cardassian women used it to treat their skin and scales. Some medical practitioners used it in medicine. There were many uses for a woman’s milk. He could even sell it the Bajorans using their black market. 

“Va! Va!” Benjen reached for Vashti.

“Still hungry after all those sweets?” she said dotingly. “Come here, my sweet boy.”

Paneck watched them from the corner of his eye. He had started hoarding not just her milk in a cryo container but also his funds. He buried them all in a safe place. He knew his accounts would be seized if any hint of suspicion fell on him. He needed a few more months, perhaps half a year, and then he might have enough to purchase Vashti and flee with her and his child. 

Benjen would soon be too big and active to hide for much longer. He was starting to walk and picking up more words from both his wet nurse and his father. It was alarming enough when he started scooting. He suddenly stood up and started wanting to walk around nine months, skipping the crawling stage entirely. If only renting the wet nurse monthly wasn’t so expensive!

“Maybe we can find a place for Benjen with the Bajoran Resistance?” Vashti suggested.

He frowned, “Why would they take him?”

“Kai Opaka says hybrids have a pagh. He doesn’t want to be weaned but he can be. Someone generous might adopt him by now.”

“How comforting! Your spiritual leader promises his little soul a fictional afterlife so everyone feels better about themselves after they ridicule him and abandon him when he becomes inconvenient! I call him a little monster with affection and irony. Your people will never see him as anything but that in reality.”

“Don’t disparage my faith or my Kai!”

“This is my son! I won’t entrust him to strangers!”

“There is no one else, Paneck!”

“I have a plan!”

“Do you? What is it then?”

“Plans are better kept secret.”

“How typical of you! I feed your child, eat with you, dwell with you for an entire year, and you still won’t trust me!”

“That’s not the issue!”

“Why don’t I believe you? I’m just a milk maid you’ll return as soon as Benjen is weaned!”

“Never!”

He said the word with such conviction that Vashti was stunned. Her eyes flickered with something resembling hope. She couldn’t allow herself that. Other men had implied they might purchase her from Nihlus before and her spirit had been dashed in the past.

“You couldn’t purchase me even if you wanted to. Don’t promise anything you can’t deliver on! If you did I would always owe you. I can’t replace Dinah.”

“I know!”

“Then why would you do such a thing?”

“To free myself! I owe you, Vashti.”

“I’ve told you the only thing that matters is this baby, Paneck. I don’t need you. Take your Cardassian savior complex and leave it at the door! I have survived on my own so far. I will continue to do so.”

Now he was stunned but stubborn, “I am not asking you to marry me, love me, or even to act grateful! I want to correct a great injustice.”

She laughed, “You can’t! You are one man!”

“What if this Occupation drags on and on and on? You can’t produce milk forever and then your looks will fade. Your body will give out and you will die or get snuffed out.”

“All flowers fade,” she replied.

“I don’t have to care for you the same way I cared for Dinah to free you!”

“What good is my freedom on a planet where no Bajoran is free, you idiot?”

“Then we will leave this planet.”

“Sweet Prophets!” she didn’t laugh a third time. “Leave? Sure, you can leave! You and all your kin can leave willy nilly! You’re the aliens here, the invaders! This is my home!”

“And you’d rather suffer here than be free?”

“You forget I have a son out there somewhere!”

“You were convinced you would never find him before.”

“Imagine if you lost Benjen? Would you give up trying to find him?”

Paneck fell silent.

“You want to help me? Find out where Nihlus sold my son!”

Paneck paid the hateful Cardassian businessman a reluctant visit. It seemed he didn’t just dabble in selling Bajoran slaves. He was in the middle of purchasing a beautiful golden skinned alien woman that Paneck was not familiar with for his brothel. No doubt he expected a purchase from him of some kind so he was overly friendly. 

“I heard rumors that you have earned hefty bonuses lately! Are you buying this month rather than renting?” Nihlus asked eagerly.

“I have an inquiry.”

“Oh, I despise detailed questions! Is there something wrong? You wish to haggle? The price I quoted was nonnegotiable! “

“Vashti had a child. Where is he?” Paneck didn’t feel like circling around the subject.

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

Paneck so wanted to backhand this man, “I don’t need a reason, do I? You don’t like detailed questions and neither do I.”

“She bore that child over five years ago! I know mothers get stuck on their whelp, but the boy is untraceable now.”

“What does that mean? Can’t you tell me who his buyer was so that I can make a proposal to that man? They are less likely to swindle me than you!”

Nihlus narrowed his eyes, “I could still raise my prices or lower them depending on how much I like you, you know that? I’d be a little more respectful if I were you. I will tell you this much for free. A Cardassian woman procured the child from me. She used an obviously fake alias. She had plans for the boy but said those plans were highly classified. Need I say anything more to you?”

“No. Thank you.”

“No more questions about this ever again!”

“Agreed.”

Paneck took his time returning to his place. He could guess what Nihlus had been hinting at. He had doubtless sold Vashti’s son to some Obsidian Agent for an unknown purpose. It would take far more than a mother’s love to find and restore him to his parent. It would take an army or connections within that dark organization, connections a simple solider like him didn’t have. Telling her the child was dead would be kinder.

“Well?” Vashti was anticipating his words when he finally made it back into her presence.

“Vashti-“

“Stop!” she could see the devastation in his eyes. “I won’t make you say it.”

“May I-“

“Absolutely not!”

She shut herself in a room. He heard wails of grief. Benjen looked around in confusion and pressed his hands to her door.

“Va? Va?” he cooed. She opened the door only to let him in and shut the door quickly again. Paneck let her be. He was determined to purchase her freedom. Let her decide what to do with it.


	7. Annual Inspection

Paneck made a purchase from the black market merchant he had given his custom to before. Benjen was growing out of his clothes faster than he could predict. The cold season was just around the corner. The army barracks never carried baby clothes and sewing them would take far too long.

The merchant had exactly what he needed and asked no questions as usual. They communicated most often with grunts and points. They didn’t speak of their encounter in the wilderness either. Paneck wondered who he was and how high in the Bajoran Resistance he ranked if they had such a thing. His money was funding the other side. He should have guessed that already but now he knew it was a fact and not speculation. Somehow he didn’t feel bad about that.

“How are you and your loved ones?” he broke the silence between them. “Do you have children? These baby clothes came from somewhere.”

The Bajoran stared blankly at him.

“I can’t offer you more money for your goods but a food source is a food source. I have a wet nurse and freeze some of her milk. Even in cryo, a fraction of it is bound to spoil. That would be a waste. Are there children that could use a boost?”

“Why would you…” the merchant was confused.

“Hungry children are children no matter what sort they are.”

The Bajoran studied him and made a judgment call, whispering, “I know of children in need.”

“Very well. I will fetch the milk.”

He dropped off the clothes and returned with a small supply of milk. The Bajoran had no sophisticated cryo container but he knew how to bury it deep in the earth and find primitive means of refrigeration. Paneck wondered if it would be possible to make the milk more convenient for him in powder form without losing quality or quantity. They had no means or time to do it now. He demanded nothing of the Bajoran and then went to his post in a timely fashion.

While he was attending his duties, Vashti was nursing Benjen when the apartment door was opened without warning, bypassing the lock that had always protected them. It was an unannounced annual inspection. Paneck had been overdue for it and now the fateful day had come. 

Vashti hastily tried to hide the child within a closet and hoped the plethora of blankets would muffle his sounds. The servant sent to investigate was thorough and not lazy. He searched every nook and cranny and didn’t let the woman out of his sight once he realized she was there. He expected her but not the babe he was bound to find.

He let out a heavy sigh when he dug through the blankets and encountered Benjen squirming because he was hot and the closet dark. Vashti burst into tears of distress.

“I must report this,” the Cardassian servant said immediately.

“You don’t have to do that!” she insisted.

“Yes, I really do.”

“Please, have a heart!” she begged and clutched his arm.

“What is wrong with the child’s eyes? Never mind. That’s clearly a hybrid and they are forbidden. I can’t choose my heart over the law.”

“What must I give you to keep you silent?” Vashti asked desperately. “Money?”

The servant paused, “What money do you have?”

“I don’t have any on me but the father can give you something!”

He shook his head, “No. Even if he had plenty of money I can’t risk it. If I fail to report this and this thing is discovered by someone else they’ll have my life.”

“Stop! Please don’t do this!”

She tried to block the door but there was no stopping what was set in motion. Paneck was summoned by his superior as soon as he was informed. That took a matter of minutes. He had no clue what he was about to walk into.

“Sit down, Glinn Paneck,” he was ordered.

He sat.

“I never thought I would ever have to discipline you!” his superior began.

Paneck felt his skin crawl and his blood freeze. He merely took his breaths and listened carefully.

“Can you guess why you are here?”

“I would rather hear the reason from you, sir.”

“How much longer did you think you could hide your bastard?”

“I am a more complicated man than you thought. His name is Benjen.”

“It’s not just an illegitimate child but an illegal hybrid! You kept the mutant’s existence secret for an entire year! You pretended to be a father to it!”

“I am his father!” Paneck declared.

“I thought you were a model soldier! You were so close to being promoted to a Gul! The only perverse inclination you seemed to have was taking on a wet nurse as your comfort woman. The best men have their flaws. That was a joke to your peers and harmless to me! But keeping a secret child? It doesn’t even belong to the Bajoran you keep, Paneck! We tested the DNA already. How many mistresses do you have? How many other children might there be?”

“I have one son and that is Benjen,” Paneck told the truth. “I would never deny my flesh and blood. Dinah was the mother and the only Bajoran woman I have ever touched. Do you recall dumping her at my door?”

“Not really, but if you were going to murder her to cover your tracks why didn’t you just destroy the child immediately with her? Why did you get so careless to conceive with an alien in the first place?” his superior screamed.

“I didn’t know she was pregnant until too late. I didn’t murder her. There were complications from the birth. If I had noted her condition prior there is no question I would have stopped the pregnancy and prevented further mishaps. I know the law and the dangers to the women reproduction can cause them. But once he was born, discarding Benjen was out of the question! That would be truly outrageous behavior, sir!”

“So you are completely unrelenting about your behavior! How long until you get your current comfort woman with child? Nursing causes a woman’s chances to conceive to go down-“

“That’s a myth-“

“Don’t interrupt! You are in deep enough as it is!” his superior snapped. “You don’t even own that woman! You rent her!”

“I have zero interest in breast milk, sir! I rented Vashti because I needed to feed my son and not to satisfy some sick fetish. I have never laid a hand on her in anger or lust. How often do the rest of my comrades impregnate their comfort women and terminate the fetus and how many wait and commit infanticide?” 

“That is none of our business!”

“Then why does my son concern anyone? He’s but a child and not a biological weapon.”

“He’s a shameful freak! We are Cardassians! We do not breed with inferior species Not only is that base behavior but it is unlawful!”

“Maybe, but he is mine and I love him. I have no wife or children that I have somehow betrayed on Cardassia. In fact, this is not Cardassia, but Bajor. If you are going to demote me or expel me or imprison me, so be it. All I ask is that I be allowed to keep my son and Vashti isn’t blamed or punished for any of this.”

His superior was flabbergasted by that. This was not going the way he had expected. He thought Paneck would deny the child. He had caught a man before with a hybrid and that was what he had done. Once the DNA proved it was his he still insisted he had been set up. He killed the child himself and protested his demotion. He pawned off his comfort woman as well saying she had proven far too fertile. That wasn’t his fault. 

Paneck didn’t deny his child, he fully acknowledged him. He showed no signs of shame. If anything he was bold and confident. He was ready to face any sentence for his crime as long as he got to keep his bastard around? He wanted to call him ‘son’ for all the world to see? 

“Demotion is inevitable!” he growled at Paneck. “And you must surrender your hybrid.”

“No.”

“No? No!” his superior sputtered. “I don’t believe this!”

Paneck made no reply.

“What else are you hiding?” his superior demanded. “Your accounts were found empty when wired. Your apartment was searched and there was no trace of the funds. We want that money you earned masquerading as a good soldier. You are a disgrace! Nihlus wants his comfort woman back and says that any milk you saved or sold produced from her belongs to him. Where is the money?”

Paneck had become stone.

“Have you had dealings with the Bajoran Resistance?” his superior cast his net of questions and accusations wider. 

“No.”

“Are you a Bajoran sympathizer?”

“No.”

“Are you a traitor or Dissident?” 

“No.”

“You were so eager to sabotage yourself a minute ago! Now you clamp up or simply repeat the phrase no? How dare you!”

“I have nothing more to say but I will answer questions.”

“We can subject you to torture, you know that?” he was warned.

“Yes, sir, I know.”

“Where is the money?”

“It has been spent already. Renting Vashti was not cheap. I upgraded my apartments. I can provide receipts for those expenses.”

“That won’t cover every credit you have been given. You better be able to provide all documentation of your expenses now, soldier!”

“That’s impossible.”

“You have hidden your money or given it to the Bajorans! Admit it!”

“Perhaps you should audit the accounts of Nihlus instead of mine,” Paneck audaciously suggested.

“I’m not asking nicely again: Where is your money?”

“There is none.”

His unit was called to aid in some light torture. It was light according to Cardassian standards. He was beaten first by his comrades. When his combat buddy showed a hint of reluctance, Paneck encouraged him to strike hard and true. After that, he was restrained, and the soles of his feet were scorched with flame. He could smell his own skin and scales roasting and screamed. Not even Cardassians were immune to the pain and effects of fire.

He confessed nothing.

His superior was frustrated and told him that an actual torturer would be sent for. He was locked away and isolated. Then Vashti was sent into the room to plead with him. 

“What have they done to you, Paneck?” she was horrified by his condition. 

“Nothing too serious as of yet. What have they done to you and Benjen?”

“They had a doctor examine us and that is all. They won’t harm me,” she reassured him, taking his bruised face into her hands. “Nihlus still owns me and they won’t damage his property. He has offered to buy Benjen.”

Paneck turned his head to the side, spit blood, and he said, “I refuse!”

“You have no choice! Listen to me! The soldiers will kill him! It is better to sell him.”

“That greedy snake will sell my son and I will never find him! He will suffer the same fate your son did!”

“I will take care of your boy!”

There was a determination in her eyes that mirrored his own. He hesitated.

“Doing this will grant you a reprieve for now!” she told him. “Your superior will accept this arrangement. The most important matter will be set aside. Now, though, you are the one in dire circumstances. Do you understand me? You must trust me! Please trust me, Paneck!”

He swallowed more blood and finally agreed. Vashti obviously had a plan.


	8. Nihlus

Vashti hated the fine house she stood in. She hated it because it belonged to the wealthy Cardassian merchant Nihlus. He was no military man so he wasn’t restricted when it came to his lifestyle or material possessions. There were many bedrooms, an outdoor and indoor kitchen, a cellar full of kanar, an orchard in his vast grounds that touched upon the wilderness, and the crown jewel of the estate was a grand room for entertaining.

He was known to rent out the rooms to bored Cardassian couples when those of high Cardassian society were forced to visit Bajor at the time. The place was also a brothel when he willed it. The cold season meant it was off season. Only a handful of security and servants were there. They kept a respectful distance from their master not because he was cruel but because he valued privacy. The house was unusually quiet and empty.

It was quiet save for the crying infant brought with Vashti the day before. Benjen had never left his father’s apartments. He felt his absence and his wet nurse was purposely kept from him. He cried for her as much as for his parent. He could eat baby food and digest formula but he still wanted the emotional and physical support and soothing so important for infants and toddlers.

“Why won’t you let me feed him?” Vashti asked Nihlus angrily. “He’s going to be traumatized enough! You’ve taken him from his father! I know you didn’t buy him to save his life and be a good man! You will sell him to a stranger for profit! Have some compassion and let him nurse!”

“My client demands that he be weaned by the time she arrives to collect him.”

“Who would buy a hybrid with heterochromia?”

“I have sold children to this woman before. Eyes like that can be a highly desirable trait. I had a woman with one green eye and one blue ages ago. She spooked some but made me a fortune.”

“How could you do such a thing to a baby?”

Nihlus rolled his eyes, “My client won’t use him for that sort of thing. Not quite.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know the details! I just know I will get paid a fine sum.”

“Well, I’m getting tired of the wailing! Doesn’t it bother you?”

“The cries affect you far more than it could ever affect me. As a wet nurse, the sound of an infant crying forces your body react.”

“It does!”

“Your brain releases chemicals and your breasts swell up,” Nihlus grinned. “You are eventually throbbing and will need relief.”

She glared at him because they both knew he was correct. Her breasts were already getting harder and aching. It felt like charley horse in the wrong part of her anatomy. Of course she had not been allowed a pump either.

“Do you really enjoy stealing milk from a child?” she hissed.

He chuckled, “It is my personal belief that women are meant to please men first and their children second.”

“Was that the way of it in your house growing up? What a neglected little boy you must have been! That explains a lot!”

He clutched her suddenly by the throat. Then he urged her toward his dining table and made her sit upon it not a chair. He unfastened the first button of her blouse.

“I’m glad Paneck is no longer able to rent you or purchase you anymore. He would have given me a small fortune, but I’d rather not go hunting for another milk press.”

“Get a milking animal! Or a Cardassian wet nurse!”

He carelessly yanked at the second button causing it to fly and clatter on the floor.

“Cardassian women don’t have smooth skin like your women. There are other differences. I prefer these breasts.”

“I don't understand your obsession! They are just chunks of fat!”

“They are much more than that! They aren’t technically for the act of reproduction, but there’s a reason why they attract men like me. They are fascinating even for men unlike me!”

He undid the third and final button with his teeth. She instinctively tried to lean back but he held her in place. She sometimes wished he had standard desires. That would seem less intimate. She was repulsed every time he used her this way. It felt nothing like the sweet and maternal sensation a child suckling made her feel. 

She wondered spitefully if Nihlus was somewhat impotent according to his kind and he relied on her to get any sort of satisfaction. It explained why he insisted she return to him once a week while Paneck rented her.

“What is going to happen to Paneck?” she asked quietly.

“Why do you care? He didn’t even appreciate your gift the way I do. He only needed you to keep his bastard alive.”

“He treated me like a person.”

“Once the agent that is my client gets here she will want to test her mettle as a torturer on him. That woman terrifies me, and I have met my share of intimidating people. She will make him confess anything she fancies. Claiming that child and refusing to reveal where he hid his funds all but proves he is a traitor.”

She bit her lip as he latched onto her. She tried not to laugh when he did. As he sank in his teeth she found trying easier. He was enjoying supping on her more than usual. Once he drained a breast he moved onto the other enthusiastically. 

“Did you drink every last drop?” she mocked him. “You sad creature with severe mommy issues? I sure hope so. That was your last meal.”

“What are you talking about?” he let her go.

“Toxins transfer in breast milk,” she smiled smugly.

“You would really take us both out like this? I don’t think so!” he didn’t want to believe what she was implying.

“No, just you. I consumed a particular mushroom that we Bajorans evolved an immunity to. In small doses it causes hallucinogenic symptoms. I’ve been seeing the color of music and sounds for hours now! Benjen’s cries are a sour yellow color. Your voice is a drab dark brown. Cardassians, however, are doomed with a bite of a cap or stalk. I ate an entire bowl of them washed but raw!”

“You’re bluffing!”

“Why don’t you try to redeem yourself in your last, oh,” she glanced at the time on his elegant clock shaped like an obelisk, “about five minutes or so that you have left? If you posses a pagh maybe the Prophets will take notice. Is my son truly dead?”

Nihlus couldn’t answer even if he wanted to. He felt severe stomach pains that brought him to his knees. Within seconds he began to convulse in a seizure as Vashti watched calmly. She hadn’t been entirely sure how long the mushrooms would take to kill him. It was a transferred affect after all. She was slightly disappointed it worked so quickly. 

She got no information about her son but she hadn’t really expected that. Nihlus was a vindictive man that never did a kind decent thing his entire life. She did enjoy some revenge as she watched her tormentor of nearly seven years twitch and die an agonizing death. She saw a multitude of colors at his sounds. 

Once the master of the house was dead, she confirmed it by checking his pulse and giving him a good kick, She retrieved the button on the floor and refastened the two remaining on her blouse, covering herself. She fetched Benjen from his crib. She couldn’t offer him her breast. He was half Bajoran but she couldn’t trust the Cardassian half. She had a bottle of formula instead. He was hungry enough he didn’t fight it. He was happy to see someone familiar.

“Va! Va!” he rubbed his mismatched eyes. “Pa? Pa?”

“We’ll go and get your Pa,” she whispered to him. “Thanks for drowning out that bad man’s cries with your own!”

She slipped quietly and discretely from the house, past the dark and expansive orchard, and into the wilderness of Bajor to contact the Resistance.


	9. The Deal

Vashti had to wander an entire night and into the early evening of the next day. She knew the Bajoran Resistance was out in the wilderness somewhere but she didn’t know exactly where. The Resistance had no choice but to be scattered around the planet in small pockets they called cells acting largely independently and scraping by with limited resources. There were whispers among the comfort women about the local cell but nothing more to go on. 

Vashti had been displaced from another province on the other side of the planet and Nihlus had moved locations several times before settling in this particular area. He had taken his property with him. She was more at home than a Cardassian would be and kept to the water sources to prevent herself from getting utterly lost or dehydrated. The streams and rivers here weren’t poisoned yet because they provided for the base still. She had rations in her skirts and enough time had passed her milk was safe for Benjen.

She searched for caves, knowing the Resistance preferred them for hideouts and shelter. It was the baby’s cries that drew out her fellow Bajorans to her, though. She hid his face and held him close. She wasn’t sure how they would react and wanted to keep his true nature a secret as long as possible.

“What are you doing out here alone with a babe?” they asked.

“I am an escaped comfort woman.”

She showed them the crude brand Nihlus had put onto her shoulder with laser surgical tools. That unwanted body art had been more painful than labor.

“How did you escape?”

“I killed my Master.”

They sounded pleased at that, “How did you do it?”

“I poisoned him. I will give you more details later if you like.”

“And the babe?”

She did her best not to tell a lie so they wouldn’t smell deception, “My ward. I am a specialized comfort woman. I am a wet nurse. This child’s mother was a regular comfort woman and is in the Celestial Temple now. Her name was Dinah and she named her son Benjen. I have cared for him since. The father is still in terrible danger. Please help us?”

“You are a wet nurse?” one man stepped forward at that. “Do you have milk to spare? My wife has been going dry and we can’t provide enough for our daughter!”

“Of course I can,” Vashti said quickly. “Help me and this boy’s father and I would do just about anything!”

They led her to their headquarters. The cave wasn’t too much further from where they came upon her but the entrance was so well hidden she realized she would never chanced upon it on her own. Within there were many unwashed bodies cramped together with no civilized amenities. There were men and women resembling ragtag soldiers and there were children and elderly folk with no separation between them whatsoever. A monk led some in prayer as a few teens tried to organize and clean to the best of their abilities.

A thin woman embraced the man leading Vashti, a toddler in her arms. She caught the name ‘Djoser’ from her lips. Vashti noted her husband seemed to be the leader of this cell. She kept Benjen covered with the baby blankets and tried to lay him out of sight but within her reach. The children were poking about and as curious as the adults about the new baby but they were not mature enough to suppress it.

“Leave him alone!” she shooed them away. “He fell asleep on the journey. Don’t wake him!”

“May we hold him when he is up?” they begged.

“Maybe. Go now!”

They reluctantly moved away. Then the couple approached with their daughter.

“The Prophets must have sent you!” the mother seemed so happy. “My Dendera is old enough she can be weaned but we have so little food to go around. We rely on milk longer than in ordinary circumstances. We give it to the older children in emergencies. We’ve been forced to go days without a morsel of real food. I fell ill recently and now I can’t feed my own daughter!” 

“I have plenty of milk,” Vashti told her. “I could feed several babies happily. I will nurse however many I can.”

“Oh, thank you! Thank you!”

She handed over the girl and Vashti rocked her as she nursed her. She was bigger than Benjen but still a sweet little girl that had clearly been hungry. She played with Vashti’s hair as she rocked her and fed her. She could tell the children must be used to being passed around to their cell mates. No woman that could provide refused because they were all Bajoran. It didn’t matter if the child was their son or daughter. 

“You mentioned that the father is in danger?” Djoser said. “We owe you something for your generosity.”

“He is being held at the nearby Cardassian base,” Vashti launched into an explanation. “They are likely going to execute him if we wait much longer! They’ve already tortured him. He has a small fortune buried in a secret place along with an entire cryo container of my milk. Please! If you rescue him, he can give you these things in return. I don’t know where he buried them or I would take you to them myself.”

Djoser looked mighty suspicious at that, “A cryo container? Where would he get something like that? Is your man a Collaborator with the Cardassians?”

“Not a Collaborator and he is not my man,” Vashti was dancing on ice answering such pointed questions.

“What is his name and how did he become a prisoner? Was it in an attempt to rescue you?”

“Among other things.”

“What other things? Answer all my questions.”

“His son calls him Pa and they charged him for being a father desperate to save his child. They accused him of stealing. The Cardassians hope to break him for more information and for the money.”

“Let me see Benjen,” Djoser ordered.

She sighed with resignation. She’d have to reveal what Benjen was eventually. She uncovered him. He was already waking.

“Boo!” he thundered loudly as he could, unaware of his circumstances and simply wanting to play with new people.

“Prophets!” Djoser gasped.

“That’s a hybrid!” his wife hissed and all of her gratitude seemed gone with the wind. “This woman is a liar! The father is a Cardassian! It’s their bastard child!”

“Cute!” Dendera stroked Benjen’s short and chubby leg.

“Don’t touch it!” her mother yanked her arm to pull her away so hard the little girl cried.

“I have told no lies!” Vashti cried. “Paneck rented me from my master. You can read that man’s name on my skin! The names don’t match! I did kill my master and, no, this baby is not mine! Do a maternity test if you have to. It will prove I am telling the truth! Dinah was the real mother but I love Benjen and his father is a good man! He doesn’t have to die! If he dies, this child will truly be an orphan!”

“He must be the same man I’ve sold merchandise to frequently,” Djoser said aloud. “The milk he gave me was yours, wasn’t it?”

Vashti nodded, “And the clothes Benjen wears now, you recognize them, don’t you? Your daughter wore them and outgrew them.”

“Aye, that she did. So my customer’s name is Paneck? It’s nice to finally have a name to put to that face. The same man could have alerted the Cardassian soldiers of my location when our cell was almost caught out in the open. We all would have been wiped out if he had reported us. Instead the man smiled and ignored us.”

“He never told me that!” Vashti was surprised.

“You also could have just shot the man dead where he stood and there would have been less risk to our cell!” the wife snapped. “You spared the spoon head. Isn’t that enough? This child is an abomination and I don’t entirely believe this comfort woman! This could be a setup!”

“The baby is not an abomination!” the monk and the rest of the cave had heard the commotion and become involved by now. “Not according to Kai Opaka’s decrees! Hybrids are accepted by the Prophets and should be embraced by Bajoran society. Would you argue with the Kai on such matters?”

“This woman just offered to nurse our children and just fed your little girl willingly!” another Bajoran woman shamed the wife. “How dare you deny hers simply because he looks different?”

“We still want to hold him!” the children said.

“Here, but be careful!” 

Vashti handed the babe to the oldest child before one of the mean spirited adults tried to mishandle him. Ironic that she trusted the children more. As they debated and voted on whether they should expel the woman and the hybrid child, the kids were in fits of laughter because Benjen’s laugh was especially contagious. They thought his eyes were so amazing. They saw his nose ridges and his spoon shaped crease and couldn’t decide which feature was more adorable. 

Vashti could sense that the majority opinion was turning in her favor and was relieved. It could have gotten ugly and tragic very fast otherwise.

“Look,” she declared to help them make up their minds. “If you help us, you gain a small fortune, you acquire a supply of milk through me, an innocent man gets saved, and you get to kill some Cardis in the process. If you don’t help, I will walk away and try to raise this child on my own. You will gain nothing and Paneck dies in vain. Would the soldiers really use a hybrid baby as some sort of elaborate trap, especially when they try to spread the propaganda back home that the Resistance is no more than a thorn in their side?”

“We could force you to stay and provide your milk!” someone snarled.

“Ah!” she arched her brows. “Then you would be no better than the invaders!”

Djoser stared at her and finally announced, “Soldiers, let’s plan the attack. Do we really need an excuse to attack that base we’ve been gathering intel on for months now?”


	10. In the Barrack

Paneck still felt terrible pain whenever he walked flat footed around his tiny cell. He had second degree burns on the soles of his feet and they were slow to heal. The doctor had treated him but only because he was commanded to. He gave his patient the minimum amount of care. Why should he want to treat a traitor and waste resources on a barely walking dead man?

He was escorted from his cell and let to the showers in the barracks because the jailor was growing tired of the reasty smell of dried blood and sweat. Yes, Paneck was a rare Cardassian man that could sweat. The shower was a small mercy he was grateful for. He had been given no food or rest so it helped keep him alert. Or maybe he would fall asleep in the shower despite the cold water.

As the liquid made contact with his skin and the sounds of it hitting the floor and draining drowned out the cruel world, Paneck closed his eyes and escaped into his memory. He thought of Dinah, the sad waif that haunted him and inexplicably decided to love him after a fashion. Then he saw Vashti as she patiently nursed his son. There was artwork throughout the galaxy of goddesses nursing divine children in their lap for a reason. 

He hoped he might see them again someday. He’d settle with being reunited with Dinah right now. Maybe her Celestial Temple existed and he could join her there. Maybe he could ask for her forgiveness and declare his love. He had been too cowardly and too ‘Cardassian’ to properly tell her before. He wished his beautiful waif would haunt him again.

He wished his captors would stop asking him the same damned questions over and over again in the same pattern. Someone new came to his cell every hour to ask them incessantly. Where did you hide your money? They always started and ended with that question, peppering it throughout the session. Where are the Bajoran rebels? Which direction did they go? Did they have money or food? How much? What are their names? Who else has aided them? How long have you been plotting against Cardassia and your brothers? Is anyone in your unit a traitor? Is anyone in your family a traitor? Do you have other children? What else are you hiding? Where is your money?

It was driving him mad, especially the veiled threat to his family and fellow comrades. He didn’t want any innocents dragged into this debacle. He was a walking debacle. His entire life was a wasted failure. He had failed to get married to a proper woman. He killed the mother of his child. He had hidden his son like a shameful dirty little secret instead of being open and proud. He had betrayed his people. He had failed in his duties. His honor was gone if it had ever been there in the first place. Perhaps he deserved execution. His son would hate him anyway. Vashti must despise him. Benjen would forget him. No one would mourn his passing or write his name ever again.

He tried to comfort himself with the fact that his actual brother was stationed in space and the military would determine that he had not been in contact with him for years. He had been somewhat estranged from him and the rest of his family on Cardassia long before he joined the military. They had likely disassociated from him and that was the best course of action for them. He didn’t blame them. Paneck had given them a grandson? What grandson? Who was Paneck? They had no one in the family tree of that name.   
Paneck was going to die and he was starting to accept that. It was the last thing he could do for Benjen, his last remaining family. He was so ready for the pain of living to cease. He could almost feel Dinah’s smooth, wet skin against his as she gave him the sweet kiss of death…

He heard gunfire and thought his unit must be outside in the middle of a surprise drill and the sound had triggered some sort of shell shock in him. Battlefields were hell but a soldier was trained to feel adrenaline. He must shut out screams and tune into orders. He must aim down his sights and never look at the dying and suffering bodies in the tail of his eye. Soldiers’ brains processed the horrors in their dreams or inconveniently at a family dinner years later. Then everyone would look at them like they were going mad, unable to understand what could possibly be so disturbing.

It turned out the gunfire and screamed were not his imagination. The jailor and guards that escorted him were gunned down. Bajoran rebels were attacking the base, throwing homemade bombs here, there, and everywhere. They slaughtered any dumb enough not behind cover. They were mostly interested in causing as much mayhem as possible for now.

Two soldiers covered in mismatched armor and masks pulled the stunned and confused Paneck out of the shower. He winced as they dragged his feet across the tiles.

“Dress yourself, you bumbler!” a familiar voice came from the smaller Bajoran.

“Vashti?” he moaned.

“No, it’s your mother!” 

The other Bajoran removed his mask for a second and Paneck recognized him as the black market merchant. He had never been so happy to see Bajoran faces. They were a far more welcome sight than Cardassian ones presently.

“No one told me you were too injured to walk!” Djoser scowled. “What else were you omitting, woman?”

“I’ll carry him myself! Let’s go!”

“The best supplies aren’t far!” Paneck weakly pointed out a map. “The medicine is kept here. The ingredients for chemical and biological weapons are here. The ammunition and food is kept there and there. Oh, I’m definitely a traitor now!”

“How many men are stationed here? How soon do you get reinforcements? What’s the name of the commanding officers? How much do they know of my cell? Is there anything else we can grab quickly?”

“One question at a time!” Paneck cursed.

“I’ll break it down very carefully for the slow Cardi here.”

Paneck tried to give him any useful and relevant information asking only that the Resistance be merciful and aim to maim not to kill. Djoser made no promises.

“I will take Paneck to his son,” Vashti offered. “I’m no real combatant and the both of us will be dead weight to the fighting men here. He knows where the funds and milk are buried. We can deliver it to your headquarters. You know we won’t cut and run with it because Benjen is there.”

“Copy that!”

Djoser took a quick drink from the trickling shower head before bounding away, swapping his weapon for a better firearm that was clutched in the hands of the dead jailor. Paneck picked up the weapon lying next to it. Vashti helped Paneck stumble to the secret spot. It was slow going but the Bajoran rebels gave them quite the smokescreen so no one noticed them escaping the base.

“You are a wonderful woman, you know that?” Paneck said as they went.

“Don’t get sentimental with me. It’s not good for either of us in the long run,” she warned him. “Where’s the stash?”

“A few more feet. How did you convince them to rescue me? You promised to take care of Benjen. You were never obligated to do that much. You just said not to get sentimental yet here we are.”

She gestured to her breasts, “I had some leverage. Now get digging! You can do that, can’t you?”

Carrying the container made their progress slower but by nightfall they were relatively safe at last within the caves. The old men and children greeted them. Vashti began to hand out the milk and Paneck was given his son.

“Pa!” he blinked his special eyes.

“Ben,” he smiled, “You’ll never know what your father went through to get us here, will you?”

“Boo!”

“That’s my little monster!”

He kissed him.


	11. Epilogue

It took some time for Paneck to recover. He specifically asked for no details of the attack on his former base. He didn’t want to know how many fellow soldiers had become casualties in part because of him. He tried to tell himself this was an Occupation and war didn’t give a damn about people’s lives or morality. 

The monk treated his wounds and tried to give him mental and spiritual counsel. He was more receptive to it than the Bajorans thought he would be. Only this man, Djoser, and Vashti dared to speak to him. The children would stare at him, stupefied. They dared each other to run up to him, touch him, and then run back boasting about how brave they were. Most of them got within a few steps of him and lost their courage. 

Vashti would nurse Dendera and Benjen at the same time, a child at each breast. The boy and girl would suckle until they were distracted with each other and ended up rolling on the ground together playing as though they were true family and not just milk siblings. Benjen was a cheerful and friendly baby and had gotten so steady on his feet he could chase the older kids. He had quickly become popular despite being a hybrid.

“The money you gave us,” Djoser spoke quietly to him, “may be enough for a small but space worthy ship. Such a thing would help our cause enormously. There’s been talk of taking our battles to space.”

“Good for you,” this talk made the Cardassian uneasy as he wanted no part in the war.

“Vashti said you wanted to take yourself off planet. We could use our ship for that purpose one time.”

“Where could we possibly go?”

Djoser gestured to a woman with long red hair and warm velvet brown eyes. She had kept far away from Paneck until now and spoke in a low voice. She refused to give her name.

“There’s a secret colony of hybrids. Only a few are privy to such information, do you understand me? I happen to know the coordinates and can transfer you there. Once there, you cannot come back. You will live out your days there with your son.”

“If it is truly safe and full of children like Benjen, it sounds like the only place for us.”

“Gather your supplies. As soon as we get that ship, we leave. You mustn’t speak to anyone of where you are going. Tell your friend or comfort woman or whatever she is you are leaving but not even she is allowed to know where.”

“I understand.”

“The planet is primitive but no one will hunt for you there.”

“Is it protected or something?”

“I can’t tell you too much. You know what would happen to us if we are intercepted on the way. That shouldn’t happen but it is best to be prepared for the worst.”

Paneck approached Vashti and informed her of his plans to leave. She was silent and didn’t ask for any more information.

“Vashti,” he asked in a tremulous voice, “Will you come with us? Benjen needs a mother and I would treat you like a wife.”

“Oh, Paneck,” she gazed at him with fondness. “I can’t go and you knew that before you spoke. I am needed here. I will never find my son but other children need me. This is my home. You have proven that all Benjen needs is his father. At this blessed age, he will forget all about me.”

“I will remind him of his wet nurse. I will tell him his mother loved him and wanted him and that he had another woman that risked a lot for him too.”

“That will be enough.”

He turned away and stepped out into the fresh air. He expected Vashti to answer precisely as she did but it didn’t mean he wasn’t crushed. There was potential for him to love her more than he had loved Dinah. She had loved him due to circumstance not because of trust or a true connection built over time. She died before they could answer whether what passed between them was love or not. Whatever it had been, it had produced Benjen.

When the day came for their departure, Vashti nursed Benjen one last time. He didn’t understand why she wasn’t coming into the ship with them. 

“VAAAAAA!” he wailed.

Vashti almost leaped into the ship after all. Benjen’s cries threatened to shred her heart to pieces. She gave the father and son a quick kiss and that was her farewell. The red headed woman sealed the space age doors and they were off. 

Benjen screamed himself hoarse and Paneck felt wretched. He wanted to react just as emotionally as he did. Part of him admired Vashti deeply for her choice, though, and he knew it had been the right one. He had chosen family and she had chosen duty. Who could say whether they had honor?

“Keep that child quiet!” the Bajoran woman was irritated. 

“If you can think of a way to do that without harming him, please inform me!” he said sarcastically.

She seemed happy to drop them off at their destination. It was a small planet somewhere in space that was partially uncharted and some of it was contested. Paneck suspected this mysterious woman wanted to dump him somewhere just to be rid of him and no such hybrid colony existed and yet a man that had ridges and a crease in his forehead was the first thing he saw when the doors opened again.

“Welcome to Had’lenga!” he said with a warm smile. “Where no one will judge you and you and your son can live in peace with a clean slate! My name is Ohiam!”

“I am Paneck,” he answered. “And this is Benjen.”

“Come to the community center! We will feed you and someone will volunteer their home for a while until your own is built. I’m sure you have quite the story to tell.”

“I do,” he answered. “Though perhaps another time.”

**Author's Note:**

> "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart
> 
> May the good Lord be with you down every road you roam.  
> And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home.  
> And my you grow to be proud, dignified and true.  
> And do unto others as you'd have done to you.  
> Be courageous and be brave.  
> And in my heart you'll always stay
> 
> Forever young. (Forever young)  
> Forever young. (Forever young)
> 
> May good fortune be with you, may your guiding light be strong,  
> Build a stairway to heaven with a prince or a vagabond.  
> And may you never love in vain.  
> And in my heart you will remain
> 
> Forever young. (Forever young)  
> Forever young. (Forever young)  
> Forever young. Forever young
> 
> And when you fin'lly fly away, I'll be hoping that I served you well.  
> For all the wisdom of a lifetime, no one can ever tell.  
> But whatever road you choose, I'm right behind you win or lose,
> 
> Forever young. (Forever young)  
> Forever young. (Forever young)  
> Forever young. Forever young  
> For forever young


End file.
